Solution Leader Ezine September 1, 2003

September 15, 2003

A free Ezine sent to you twice a month by Glen Rediehs, Ph.D.: Personal Coach, Corporate Coach, Organization Development Consultant
Web site: www.SolutionLeader.com
E-mail: Glen@SolutionLeader.com

Solution Leader Ezine will give you solutions for your personal life and the people side of your business. Every issue is filled with practical strategies plus a little humor.

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IN THIS ISSUE:
How to Have a Great Marriage
A Little Humor
Thought for the Day
Accountability
In the Next Issue

HOW TO HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE
On a scale of 0 - 10 (0 = low and 10 = high), how would you rate your marriage? If it's already a 10, you can just skip down to the next article. If not, read on.

What's a Great Marriage Like?

Everybody's idea of a great marriage will be a little different. Nevertheless, there are some basic elements in a great marriage.

Several years ago, researchers at Life Innovations, Inc. published research from 21,501 couples. The top five areas of married life that distinguished "happy" couples from "unhappy" couples were:

1. Communication. Happy couples shared emotions and beliefs. They listened well and asserted themselves effectively.

2. Couple Flexibility. The partners in a happy marriage were able to change and adapt, switch responsibilities and rules.

3. Couple Closeness. An appropriate balance between togetherness and
separateness was typical of happy couples.

4. Personality Compatibility. Happy couples reported more satisfaction with each other's general outlook and behavioral tendencies.

5. Conflict Resolution. Recognizing and resolving conflict in a mutually
acceptable way was important for the happy couples.

The next most important factors were satisfaction with sexual relationship, leisure activities, family and friends, financial management and spiritual beliefs.

The Marriage Myth

Many people say that a happy marriage depends on picking the right person for your partner. There is some truth in that. But, it's not the whole truth. Just because you got a great person to the altar or justice of the peace doesn't mean that it will be clear sailing from then on. All relationships, including marriage, require conscious and intentional nurturing.

What Can You Do?

Pay attention to the following six issues in your marriage:

Self-awareness.
Be aware of what kind of a person you are. Recognize how your feelings
and emotions drive your attitudes and behaviors. Recognize your dominant personality traits and how they affect the relationship.
Partner-awareness.
Take time to sense your partner's feelings and understand his or her
perspectives. Learn how to meet your partner's needs. Bring added value to your partner's life - not a drag.
Self-management
Take responsibility for making changes in yourself that will affect the
relationship positively.
Practice communication skills that are essential for a great marriage:
When disagreements arise, address the differences. Don't deny or
minimize them.
- Listen to understand, clarify what you think your partner said, validate
  (not necessarily agree with) his or her perspective.
- Ask clearly for what you need. The other person can't read your mind.
  When you share your opinion, do it in a way that doesn't attack your partner.
- Stay focused on the issue and work your way through it. Be calm and
  rational. Negotiate and compromise in ways that are helpful.
- Work together toward a great relationship. That's much more important
  than "winning" or "being right."
Do more of what brings you closer together.
- Dream together about the life and future you want as a couple.
- Have fun.
- Show appreciation for the things your partner does that help the
  relationship.
- Create love rituals: dinners, walks, quiet conversation after the children
  are in bed, etc.
- Surprise your partner with flowers, a small gift, a surprise lunch
  together, an unexpected "getaway," a love note they will find later, etc.
- Take time to share leisure activities that you both enjoy.
- Touch, hug, kiss your partner.
Understand that marriage has stages in the same way that personal lives have
stages.

A great marriage rarely "just happens." While it doesn't have to be spirit-dampening "hard work," a great marriage does require intentional effort.

If you get stuck on your way to a great marriage, consult a marriage and family counselor. The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists has a directory on the internet: www.aamft.org/therapistlocator/index.htm.

If there is any violence or abuse in your family, start by making sure you and other family members are safe. Call for local emergency resources where you live. See a provider of psychological services.

What's the next step in your life? In your business?

What do you want to achieve?

What do you want to change?

Coaching will help you reach your goals!

Let's work on your future together. You can make it happen!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

A Little Humor
Hallelujah!

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way. The only way to make the donkey go is to say "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop is to say "Amen!"

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.

"This is great," said the man. With a "Hallelujah!" he rode off very proud of his new purchase.

The man traveled for a long time through some hills. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop.

"Stop!" said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going.
"Bible ... Church ... Please stop!!," shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.

Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off this cliff. In Jesus' name, Amen."

The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.

"Hallelujah!" shouted the man.
_______________

Observing the Baby

Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said. "It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50."
_______________

The Skydiver

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens...

He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*!!

Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?"

The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"

Thought for the Day
Dance Like No One's Watching

We convince ourselves that life
will be better after we get married,
have a baby, then another.
Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough
and we'll be more content when they are.

After that we're frustrated that we
have teenagers to deal with.
We will certainly be happy
when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete
when our spouse gets his or her act together,
when we get a nicer car,
are able to go on a nice vacation,
when we retire.

The truth is there's no better time
to be happy than right now.
If not now, when?

There is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have.
And treasure it more because you shared it
with someone special,
special enough to spend your time with.
And remember that time waits for no one.

So stop waiting until you finish school,
until you go back to school,
until you lose ten pounds,
until you gain ten pounds,
until you have kids,
until your kids leave the house,
until you start work,
until you retire,
until you get married,
until you get divorced,
until Friday night,
until Sunday morning,
until you get a new car or home,
until your car or home is paid off,
until spring, until summer,
until fall, until winter,
until you are off welfare,
until the first or fifteenth,
until your song comes on,
until you've had a drink,
until you've sobered up,
until you die, until you are born again.
Decide that there is no better time
than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

So,
Work like you don't need money.
Love like you've never been hurt and
Dance Like no one's watching.

(Author Unknown)

ACCOUNTABILITY AT WORK
What happens in your organization when a work process breaks down? When someone makes a mistake? When unexpected changes in the marketplace require a quick response?

Do people at all levels immediately take action to manage the situation? Or, do they focus on finger-pointing, helplessness and covering their rears?

How accountable are your people? How accountable are you?

What Is Accountability?

How you think about accountability makes a big difference. Most people think of it as a threat. The pressure is on to produce and not make a mistake - or pay a price. This attitude generates fear. Fear produces blaming, excuse-making, etc.

Let me offer another definition: Accountability is when everyone shares collective ownership of the organization's goals, changing circumstances, and results. People can count on one another to keep performance commitments. Employees are focused on the present and future rather than explaining the past. Each person deals with his or her part of the organization's work as if they owned it all.

In action, it looks something like a winning baseball team. Everyone plays his or herposition. But, when the batter hits the ball, players anticipate what will come next, adjust their positions, and back each other up. This attitude toward accountability builds ownership and pride.

It's a Way of Thinking

Accountability is a mindset, a way of thinking. In Question Behind the Question, John Miller says that the secret of accountability is in the questions we ask.

Asking "How can I serve them better," is more accountable than "Why do
customers expect so much?"
Thinking "How can I be a more effective coach," will get results faster than
complaining "Why don't these people want to work?"
"What can I do to develop myself" will serve the company better than whining
"When is someone going to train me?"
No more victim thinking, blaming, procrastinating or excusing.

Accountability thinking doesn't come easily. It takes determination to face a problem and move forward into action rather than backwards into a victim story.

How to Create an Accountability Culture

Creating a culture of accountability in your organization is a leadership process. Here are some suggestions you may find helpful:

Provide a clear direction for the organization -- the company's mission, values,
internal environment, and business outcomes. Work with your people to create goals, measurable performance objectives, and contingency plans for possible problems.
Model accountability personally.
Offer formal training so people can learn about accountability thinking and
behavior.
Get key leaders and middle managers on board. They must demonstrate
accountability by facilitating cross-functional collaboration, open communication, feedback, and a focus on solutions and results.
Create events that provide an opportunity for open, honest communication
with the workforce.
Regularly assess progress and coach accountability. Provide resources,
training, whatever people need to act at an accountable level.
Work with existing, intact teams. Foster accountability within these teams and
then among the teams.
Make sure people experience an accountability culture. Integrate
accountability into the daily experience of employees.
Recognize positive results.

All this will take time. You will notice change happening in two ways: A slow shift in mindset will create new, accountable behavior patterns with some people. Others will have to experience success with the new behavior patterns that you require before they shift their mindset.

Ready to create an accountability culture in your organization? Get the details. Read: QBQ: The Question Behind the Question by Miller, The Accountability Revolution by Samuel, and two books by Connors and Smith, The Oz Principle and Journey to The Emerald City.

© Glen Rediehs, 2003

What great examples of accountability have you seen? How do the people you know demonstrate accountability? Send your stories, quotes, thoughts. As space permits, I will try to publish them. Send them to Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

What's the next step in your life? In your business?

What do you want to achieve?

What do you want to change?

Coaching will help you reach your goals!

Let's work on your future together. You can make it happen!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

In the Next Issue:
Get Your Office Organized
A Little Humor
Thought for the Day
Growing the Leader in You
In the Next Issue

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