Solution Leader Ezine September 1, 2004




	September 1, 2004 A free Ezine sent to you monthly by Glen Rediehs, Ph.D.: Personal Coach, Corporate Coach, Organization Development Consultant Web site: www.SolutionLeader.com E-mail: Glen@SolutionLeader.com Solution Leader Ezine will give you solutions for your personal life and the people side of your business. Every issue is filled with practical strategies plus a little humor. If you received this Solution Leader Ezine from someone else and would like your own free subscription, click on www.SolutionLeader.com. Subscribe -- it's free! Try it! TO UNSUBSCRIBE To unsubscribe from this Ezine, just click reply to this email, place Unsubscribe on the subject line and your email address will be removed. Please note that this procedure helps us to determine the e-mail address that you used to subscribe to Solution Leader Ezine. That's the only way we will recognize that it is you. Thank you. IN THIS ISSUE: Gratitude A Little Humor Thought for the Day Productive Business Conversations GRATITUDE Where would you rate yourself on a 0 - 10 scale as a grateful person? Where would others rate you? Does your level of gratitude make any difference? In your life? In the lives of others? Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu faiths all prize gratitude as a virtue. The Bible says, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you." Your parents may have chided you to be more grateful when you sulked over a gift that wasn't quite what you were hoping for. What's so great about gratitude? Why should you or anyone else care whether you are a grateful person? What Gratitude Has to Offer The collective experience of generations - reflected in the writings of philosophers, poets, lyricists, spiritual leaders, and many others - suggests that an attitude of gratitude helps us cope with bad times and gives us an appropriately humble perspective. Life will be better for those with a grateful attitude. Scientists have recently been researching the value of gratitude on a strictly empirical basis. Several studies over the last few years suggest that dispositionally grateful people: have a more positive mood report greater life satisfaction are more empathic, forgiving, helpful, and supportive experience more and better quality sleep demonstrate greater optimism feel an increased sense of connectedness to others have a reduced risk for depression, anxiety, phobia, bulimia, and nicotine/alcohol/drug dependence. Why Isn't Everyone Filled With Gratitude? American individualism and self-reliance fosters the notion that we have only ourselves to thank. The affluence and materialism in our society focuses our attention on comparisons with others and the promises of advertising. Last year's model, as great as it was last year, is a disappointment this year. Our neighbor makes a new purchase and "raises the bar" for what we think we need. It's a challenge to maintain an attitude of gratitude. Once in a while, when we are faced with tragedy in our own life or witness hardship in the lives of others, we may start counting our blessings. How to Maximize your Attitude of Gratitude Pauline Wallin, author of Taming Your Inner Brat, offers these tips on cultivating an appreciative attitude: Make a point of saying "Thank you" to someone at least twice a day. Keep a gratitude journal. Every night before going to bed, write down three things that went well that day. Think of someone in your past who had a positive influence on you, but whom you never thanked. Write that person a letter of thanks or visit and deliver the letter in person. Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Jesuit priest, makes these suggetions: Wake up to surprises. As long as nothing surprises us, we walk through life in a daze. Ask yourself at least twice a day, "Isn't this surprising?" Surprise may provide a jolt - enough to wake us up and to stop taking everything for granted. Stop and notice the details of your surroundings. Look carefully. See them as if it were the first time. Let your thoughts stretch to things that have happened to you recently. What have been your greatest joys lately? Be aware of opportunities. As you go through your day, ask yourself, "What's my opportunity here?" You will find opportunity to enjoy sounds, smells, tastes, texture, colors, deeper joy, friendliness, kindness, patience, faithfulness, honesty, and so much more. Increase the joy and pleasure in your life. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude! ©2004 Glen Rediehs, Ph.D. *What's the next step in your life? In your business?* What do you want to achieve? What do you want to change? Coaching will help you reach your goals! Let's work on your future together. You can make it happen! PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com A Little Humor Desperate Husband A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy is wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying, "That's not quite what I had in mind." Frantically he offers her a new house. Again she rejects his offer, "That's not quite what I had in mind." Curious, he asks: "What did you have in mind?" She retorts, "I'd like a divorce." He answers, "I hadn't planned on spending quite that much." _______________ Haircut A boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies "No, not until you cut your hair!". The boy replies "But father...Jesus had long hair!" To which his father says, "Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere." _______________ The State Fair Johnny and his wife went to the State Fair every year. Every year Johnny would say, "I'd like to take the airplane ride." And every year his wife would say, "I know, Johnny, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars." This one year Johnny and his wife went to the fair and Johnny said, "I'm 70 years old. If I don't ride the airplane this year I may never get another chance." "That airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars," replied his wife. The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's fifty dollars." Johnny and his wife agree and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They land and the pilot turns to Johnny, " I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Johnny replied, "Well, I was going say something when my wife fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars." Thought for the Day What's Important to You A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native American said, "I hear a cricket." His friend said, "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!" "No, I'm sure of it," the Native American said, "I heard a cricket." "That's crazy," said the friend. The Native American listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed. "That's incredible," said his friend. "You must have super-human ears!" "No," said the Native American. "My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you're listening for." "But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in this noise." "Yes, it's true," came the reply. "It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you." He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs. "See what I mean?" asked the Native American. "It all depends on what's important to you." (Author unknown) PRODUCTIVE BUSINESS CONVERSATIONS How many times have you tried to have a productive conversation with someone and you ended up worse off than when you started? You attempted to discuss an issue and it turned into a futile, heated exchange. You tried to solve a problem and people just blamed others and made excuses for themselves. Straightforward, productive conversations that resolve issues, solve problems and build collaborative relationships are incredibly important to employee productivity and your organization's bottom line. Every conversation either strengthens your business or weakens it. Before the Conversation When you want to have a conversation with someone about an issue or problem, try these suggestions: Check out your intentions. If you already know the how you want an issue resolved or a problem solved and your goal is to manipulate the conversation so it turns out that way, just announce your decision. Pretending to talk something through and arrive at a mutual agreement or solution will tell your employees or colleagues that you aren't serious about an honest conversation. Review your attitude. If you think you already know the other person's opinions or ideas and have judged his or her motivation, a genuine conversation will be impossible. You won't hear what the other person has to say. Be certain that what you want is an agreement, resolution or solution that serves the interests of the company and meets everyone's needs as much as possible. Be committed to building the relationship as you have the conversation. During the Conversation Begin the conversation by presenting the issue or problem as clearly and concisely as possible - without blaming, sarcasm, or any other offensive language. Clarify what is at stake and your desire to come to an agreement, resolution or solution. Invite the other person to share his or her opinions, ideas, relevant data, etc. - and then LISTEN. Listen carefully, sincerely and respectfully. When the individual comments, invite him or her to say more about the comment. Consider this a time for you to learn as much as you can about the issue or problem from the other person's perspective. Paraphrase what the other person has said to make sure you understand. You can acknowledge the other person's viewpoint without necessarily agreeing with it. The other person may become defensive and emotional. Acknowledge his or her feelings. Remind yourself that you are in this conversation to achieve a satisfactory resolution or solution - not to win a debate. Ask yourself, "Why would this person think or feel this way?" "What aspect of this conversation is stirring those feelings?" "What can I do or say that will help?" The person may take a strong position about something and create an either/or stalemate: either your way or my way. Someone will win and someone will lose. When a person takes a strong position, it is usually because he or she thinks that taking that position is the only way to protect an interest. Find the interest behind the position by asking: "Why do you want that?" or "How will that be helpful to you?" Often, there are other ways to satisfy the person's interests. Share your thinking about the issue and help the other person to understand your needs and interests. Brainstorm possible agreements or solutions that serve the interests of the company and meet everyone's needs as much as possible. Identify an agreement or solution that you can both support. Determine how you will hold each other responsible for keeping or implementing it. Before you end the conversation and finalize the agreement, ask if there is anything that has been left unsaid that needs to be said. Check on anything that might get in the way of implementing the solution and develop plans to overcome it. To learn more, read Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler or Susan Scott's Fierce Conversations. ©2004 Glen Rediehs How do you conduct productive conversations? What's your secret for building collaborative relationships while you are solving problems, reaching agreements or resolving issues? Send your stories, quotes, and thoughts. As space permits, I will try to publish them. Send them to Glen@SolutionLeader.com. *What's the next step in your life? In your business?* What do you want to achieve? What do you want to change? Coaching will help you reach your goals! Let's work on your future together. You can make it happen! PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com. FORWARD THIS EZINE Please forward this Ezine to anyone you think might enjoy it! It's free! GET YOUR OWN SUBSCRIPTION If you received this Solution Leader Ezine from someone else and would like your own free subscription, click on www.SolutionLeader.com. Subscribe -- it's free! Try it! TO UNSUBSCRIBE To unsubscribe from this Ezine, just click reply to this email, place Unsubscribe on the subject line and your email address will be removed. Please note that this procedure helps us to determine the e-mail address that you used to subscribe to Solution Leader Ezine. That's the only way we will recognize that it is you. Thank you. PRIVACY POLICY AND DISCLAIMER Click here for Privacy Policy and Disclaimer COPYRIGHT You may share, replicate or forward this Ezine or sections of it as long as the attribution, copyright notice and contact information are included. PAST ISSUES Past issues of the Solution Leader Ezine are available at my web site: www.SolutionLeader.com. CONTACT ME Contact me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com. Got a suggestion for a future topic? Thoughts about the Solution Leader Ezine? Want to submit an article? Other questions or comments? I'd love to hear from you. CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE Find out more about me and my services at: www.SolutionLeader.com. ©2004 Glen Rediehs. All rights reserved.