May 1, 2004
A free Ezine sent to you monthly by Glen Rediehs, Ph.D.: Personal Coach, Corporate Coach, Organization Development Consultant
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E-mail: Glen@SolutionLeader.comSolution Leader Ezine will give you solutions for your personal life and the people side of your business. Every issue is filled with practical strategies plus a little humor.
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IN THIS ISSUE:New E-book: Stop Misbehavior! Plus A Free Teleclass!
Anger - Friend or Foe?
A Little Humor
Thought for the Day
How to Manage Multiple Generations at Work
Want to stop your child's misbehavior?
Want respect, cooperation and good behavior?
For your sake and your child's sake …Click on www.StopMisbehavior.com to get details about my new E-book and FREE teleclass for parents!
You get angry. I get angry. Your boss … your mother … your best friend … everyone gets angry. Anger is a natural, emotional response to threat. Some situation or someone's behavior simply triggers angry feelings in you.
Anger is just an emotion. It is neither good nor bad in itself. However, what you do with your anger makes a big difference. You can bring a satisfying resolution to a troubling situation or create mayhem and disaster. It's all a matter of how you handle your angry feelings.
On the one hand, anger can motivate you to do something constructive. When you are angry, adrenaline flows and you have increased energy. For example, the founders of MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) used their anger-energy to create a life-saving movement. Angry marriage partners may decide it's time to use their best communication skills and resolve issues that they have avoided. Non-violent anger used to right wrongs and resolve problems is a good thing.
On the other hand, anger can destroy you or other people. If you "stuff" or suppress anger, you may become more vulnerable to anxiety, high blood pressure, heart disease, and other psychosomatic disorders; depression and guilt; excessively submissive, deferring behavior; passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly rather than confronting them) and other unhappy outcomes.
If you explode and "dump" your anger aggressively, you may hurt other people with defiance, verbal abuse or physical assaults - possibly to the point of violent crime. Even malicious gossip, contemptuous comments and similar behavior can devastate people's lives. You may have had the experience of dumping your anger and later apologizing for "overreacting."
Where Does Anger Come From?
There is a genetic component to the intensity of angry feelings. Some people appear to be born more irritable, touchy and easily angered. Researchers speak of "hot reactors." Some individuals are chronically irritable and have a low tolerance for frustration. Other people just seem to naturally "go with the flow."
Regardless of the genetic hand you have been dealt, how you handle angry feelings is learned. If you grew up in a family that was chaotic and not skilled at communicating and problem-solving, maybe even violent, you may have learned to deal with your anger in hurtful or unhealthy ways. Many people grow up in families that consider anger bad and forbid expression of anger. If you have suppressed anger for years, it is likely to show up in an unhealthy way.
So, What Do I Do?
You can learn to handle your anger in healthy and useful ways. Some techniques seem to help people who "stuff it" and other approaches appear more useful to those who "dump it."
For "Stuffers"
"Stuffers" may benefit from taking time to recognize suppressed anger in their lives. It may show up in passive-aggressive behavior, low self-esteem, anxiety, psychosomatic symptoms, etc. Venting their angry feelings (in a place where no one will be hurt) can be helpful if the person gains a renewed sense of control over their lives. Otherwise, some experts believe venting is just practice at being aggressive. Working on improving self-esteem and self-confidence may help.
The most useful skill for "stuffers" is assertiveness - speaking up for oneself. The most common tool is the "I message." Instead of starting conversation about a conflict with an accusation ("You lazy, no good dirt bag …"), start by owning your angry feeling and asking for the other person's help. Typically, the formula is: "I feel angry when you … . What I need is … ." Note that assertiveness is respectful of the other person. It is not done in an aggressive, hurtful way.
For "Dumpers"
"Dumpers" frequently manage their anger better when they learn to challenge unrealistic thinking. The thinking behind aggressive behavior is often filled with unrealistic expectations: people must always treat me fairly, children must always obey their parents, I must have a new car every year, my spouse must pay attention to everything I say, etc.). When those expectations are not met, the person goes off in a rage. The task is to replace those thoughts with more realistic ones: some people do not have the same standards that I have and will not treat me fairly - that's just how the world is, etc.
Another helpful approach for "dumpers" is to reinterpret the situation. Instead of a "single-minded" view of things, look for other ways to understand the circumstance or the other person's behavior. An offensive person may just be acting out his or her own problems and not intend anything personally about you at all. Frustration and setbacks may be the next step toward ultimate success.
Programs of relaxation and meditation can help calm a "dumper." Self-instruction to "count to ten," step back, and think with a clear head can stop knee-jerk overreactions.
For Everyone
Angry feelings and their unhealthy reactions can be pre-empted with some prevention. If there are particular people or situations that trigger a person's angry feelings, the individual should plan to minimize encounters with those situations or people. If there are environments that foster anger and support unhealthy reactions (e.g. hanging out with quick-tempered friends), it makes sense to avoid those places and people.
All of us experience angry feelings. How you handle your anger is up to you. Even if you have learned unhealthy ways in your past, you can learn new ways to use your anger-energy constructively - for your sake and those around you. If changes are very difficult, be sure to seek the help of a psychotherapist or counselor. Create your own best future.
©2004 Glen Rediehs
What's the next step in your life? In your business?
What do you want to achieve?
What do you want to change?
Coaching will help you reach your goals!
Let's work on your future together. You can make it happen!
PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com
A Little Humor
The Cruise
An old lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink, she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up." says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too." The old woman says, "Thank you."
"Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up." the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old woman replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue."
_______________Cold Cream and Beauty
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smooth cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, Mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Are You Giving up?"
_______________
The Painter
There was a tradesman, a painter called Wayne, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time. But eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest buildings. Wayne put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. And so he set to erecting the scaffolding, buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.
Well, Wayne was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Wayne was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
Thought for the DayEverything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark...
One: Don't miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven:: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.
(Author Unknown)
Most companies have employees from at least three generations. Sometimes, owners and managers are able to build effective teams with members of these diverse generations. Other times, the differences between the generations create serious conflict and dissatisfaction that damage morale and productivity.
What's it like at your organization?
It's understandable how generations came to be so different. Each grew up in dissimilar times in our rapidly changing history. As a result, each developed differing sets of values, attitudes and expectations. For better or for worse, these differences show up at work.
Three Generations at Work
Researchers call the people born from 1946 to 1964 "Baby Boomers." These employees expect job security that they have earned through accomplishments and tenure. They started at the bottom and worked their way up a career ladder. They are driven workaholics who "live to work." Boomers are loyal to their institutions and will sacrifice family for career. They were born before computers and reflect the work ethic of a generation that survived the Depression and won World War II.
Members of "Generation X" were born between 1965 and 1980. They saw their parents downsized out of their jobs after years of loyal service. As a result, they are loyal to themselves, and maybe a boss, but not to the organization. This first generation of latchkey children considers themselves independent, entrepreneurial and eager to learn. Seeking portable career security, they develop a repertoire of skills that they can take with them and keep alert for new job opportunities. These employees grew up with computers. Quality of life trumps sacrificing for the organization. They "work to live." Gen Xers want flexibility, handle change more easily than their parents, challenge the way things are done, and prefer to be given a goal and allowed to figure out how to accomplish the goal - instead of following detailed directions.
"Generation Y" members, born from 1981 to 2000, are just starting to enter the workforce. Many of these employees spent a great deal of time in structured activities (e.g. sports) and may have had real world experience in internships or volunteer work. They don't remember a time without computers and love technology. Gen Yers tend to be optimistic, team-oriented and intent on continuous learning.
While there is variety among the individuals within a generation, generational differences are real. Owners and managers deal with different communication styles, expectations, work styles, attitudes toward work and personal life, comfort with technology, perspectives on loyalty and authority, acceptance of change, and much more.
Ideas for Managing
You can successfully manage a multi-generational workforce. Here are some suggestions.
- Provide opportunities for you and your employees to understand generational
differences. Offer training. Talk about it with one another. Recognize that these differences are not "good" or "bad." They're just differences. Take steps to respect and accommodate each other.- Step out of your own "generational box." Instead of judging and thinking from
the values and attitudes of your own generation, consider things from the generational perspectives of your employees.
- Capitalize on the unique skills of each generation. Younger employees are
more likely to offer new ideas, support change, use initiative, be technologically skilled, etc. Older employees' strengths are more often in their work ethic, experience, appreciation for the people side of business, diplomacy, etc.
- Motivate employees with consideration of what might be important to their
generation. Younger employees value flexibility, training and development, workplace choices, family-friendly policies, etc. Motivate older members of your workforce with public recognition for hard work, appreciation for their experience, financial security, etc.
- Get acquainted with your employees. Talk to them. Learn enough about them
that you can manage them with respect to their generational qualities and individual personalities.
- Focus on performance and results. Set clear expectations and standards. Hold
people accountable. Reward initiative.
Your organization can thrive on generational diversity. You can lead the way.
©2004 Glen Rediehs
What company or manager has demonstrated the best management of a generationally diverse workforce? Send your stories, quotes, thoughts. As space permits, I will try to publish them. Send them to Glen@SolutionLeader.com.
What's the next step in your life? In your business?What do you want to achieve?
What do you want to change?
Coaching will help you reach your goals!
Let's work on your future together. You can make it happen!
PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.
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