April 1, 2004
A free Ezine sent to you monthly by Glen Rediehs, Ph.D.: Personal Coach, Corporate Coach, Organization Development Consultant
Web site: www.SolutionLeader.com
E-mail: Glen@SolutionLeader.comSolution Leader Ezine will give you solutions for your personal life and the people side of your business. Every issue is filled with practical strategies plus a little humor.
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IN THIS ISSUE:New E-book: Stop Misbehavior! Plus A Free Teleclass!
Forgive? You Must Be Kidding!
A Little Humor
Thought for the Day
Workforce Resilience
Want to stop your child's misbehavior?
Want respect, cooperation and good behavior?
For your sake and your child's sake …Click on www.StopMisbehavior.com to get details about my new E-book and FREE teleclass for parents!
FORGIVE? YOU MUST BE KIDDING!!
How often have you been hurt by someone?
As you think back about some of those times, do the memories bring anger, resentment, fear, or other strong feelings?
Some offenses may have been less hurtful. Maybe an insult that embarrassed you, a social "slight," an "unfair" performance evaluation at work, etc.
Other hurts may have been huge. Childhood abuse, violent criminal acts against you, affairs or other betrayals of the heart, etc.
What have you done with the pain? Do you recall the events and re-experience the feelings? Are they still an issue for you?
All of us are likely to run into future offenses. How will you deal with yours?
There is good news. You always have a choice
Do Nothing and Live With It
One choice is to do nothing and stoically live with the pain.
If you have lived with hurts, you are well aware of how it limits your life. Someone mentions the offender's name, or you experience a situation that is similar to the original offense, or you read about a related circumstance - and it all comes back. The anger, resentment, visions of revenge, etc. all surface. Your day takes an unhappy turn.
Research has linked gastrointestinal problems, compromised immune systems, cardiac difficulties, depression, anxiety, and other ailments to prolonged anger, bitterness and resentment.
Obstacles to Forgiveness
Another choice is to commit to forgiving. But, it is not easy to forgive.
A number of myths get in the way. For example, some people think that if they forgive an offender, it means that the offense didn't matter or wasn't serious. These individuals feel that they will lose self-respect and discount the pain if they forgive. You can, however, affirm the gravity of an offense and even gain self-respect by forgiving from a mature moral position.
Others believe the saying that they must "forgive and forget." But, there is no delete key for the offense. The point is to manage the memory, not create selective amnesia for the event.
There are those who think that forgiving means that they must surrender and not enforce consequences on the offender. Not so. Even if they have forgiven the person, justice is still important. Forgiveness is not an invitation to be mistreated again.
Sometimes people think that if they forgive an individual they must reconcile with that person. Reconciliation may follow forgiveness. But, there may be good reason to protect oneself and establish boundaries between the victim and the offender.
Still other victims of an offense withhold forgiveness until the offender expresses remorse. That kind of thinking just keeps the victim stuck in the past and bitterness. It makes no sense to give control of the victim's happiness to the offender.
There are also occasions when a victim withholds forgiveness, even after apologies from the offender. It may give the victim a sense of power and control to embrace the hurt and use it to win others' compassion and continue to punish the offender. This sort of behavior just keeps the victim and the offender in the unhappy past.
Steps to Forgiveness
So, what can you do?
- Give yourself permission to recall the offense and acknowledge the anger, grief and other consequences that you have experienced. Honor your feelings and yourself. Talk about it with a trustworthy, good listener.
- Realize that the situation is not good for you. You have no control over the offender. He or she may or may not care about your situation. If things are going to get better for you, it is 100% up to you.
- Recognize that forgiveness is for you, not necessarily for the offender. You care enough about yourself and your happiness to practice forgiveness and letting go for your own sake. The offender is responsible for his or her own accountability.
- Commit to forgiving. Say it aloud. Write it down. If it will help, share your commitment with someone you trust.
- Attempt to understand the offense in new ways. As much as possible, explore the humanity of the person who hurt you. Frequently, offenders have their own stories of victimization. The offense may have had little to do with you personally and mostly been the way the offender was acting out personal problems and needs. This doesn't excuse the offense. It just provides a different perspective. Recall times when you have hurt others. Understand how easily that can happen.
- Explore the ways in which the offense may have, paradoxically, been valuable for you. How might it have been an important learning experience? Maybe it contributed to your sense of purpose and meaning in life. Perhaps it became a positive turning point in your life.
- If you are a person of faith, call on your spiritual values that support forgiving and moving on with your life.
- As they may be helpful, use meditation, visualization, and other stress management techniques to help you.
- As appropriate, take steps to protect yourself from the offender. Redefine your relationship if that is necessary.
- Use the same energy that you expended to hold onto the offense and hurt feelings in the past to create new possibilities for yourself.
Dr. Robert Enright, founder of the International Forgiveness Institute says, "People are finally waking up to the great importance that forgiving plays in the human condition. It's one of the more vital aspects to the good life. … Forgiveness can give you back your life."
©2004 Glen Rediehs
What's the next step in your life? In your business?
What do you want to achieve?
What do you want to change?
Coaching will help you reach your goals!
Let's work on your future together. You can make it happen!
PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com
A Little Humor
Lost Wife
Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide. The first one says to the other, "Sorry about that, I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't watching where I was going."
The second guy says, "What a coincidence, I'm looking for my wife too, and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first guy says "Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"
The second guy answers, "She's tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, well endowed, and a great rear. What does your wife look like?"
The first guy replies, "Never mind. Let's look for yours."
_______________Revelation 3:20
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned.
Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." After reaching for his Bible and checking out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
_______________
Grandma's Home
When I stopped the bus to pick up a child for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked.
"Yes," he said. "She's visiting us."
"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"
"At the airport," he replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
Thought for the DayWhen I Grow Up
The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.
"A football player," "A doctor," "An astronaut," "The president," "A fireman," "A teacher," "A race car driver."
Everyone that is, except Tommy.
The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still.
So she said to him, "Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Possible" Tommy replied.
"Possible?" asked the teacher.
"Yes," Tommy said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible."
(Author Unknown)
Personal resilience, the capacity to "bounce back" from adversity, makes a big difference in individual success or failure.
The same is true of your workforce. The collective ability of the people in your organization to thrive in the face of turbulent times and uncertain economic conditions will directly impact your company's bottom line.
Pressures from the marketplace can debilitate a workforce, compromise performance and even destroy a business. The constant challenges to increase innovation, to improve quality and enhance customer service - all on leaner budgets - requires superior employee resilience.
85% of Fortune 1000 companies have "downsized" within the last five years. During that same time period, more than 12,000 U.S. companies have changed hands. It takes high levels of resilience to get more done with fewer people and to adjust to mergers, acquisitions and reorganization.
Gary Hamel and Liisa Valikangas from the Woodside Institute claim "the world is becoming more turbulent faster than most companies are becoming more resilient. The past 20 years has produced a rising tide of corporate write-offs, a growing number of prolonged profit slumps and an ever-expanding catalog of wrenching turnarounds. Few companies seem prepared."
How Resilient is Your Workforce?
Are you prepared? How resilient is your workforce?
Experts suggest that you can recognize a resilient workforce by their shared capacity to:
- Approach work with focused energy and purpose
- Use "discretionary energy" in the organization's interest
- Take responsibility instead of blaming each other
- Value curiosity and strive for continuous improvement
- Take on problems and challenges with an optimistic and opportunistic attitude
- Persevere under difficult conditions
- Rebound and function well when things go wrong
- Adapt quickly to new technology, regulations, organizational structures,
marketplace demands, etc.
- Improvise in the face of rapid change
- Offer suggestions and recommendations, not just problems
- Demonstrate synergy and utilize each other's diversity of experience, skills,
talent and personality
- Gain strength from adversity
So, what do you think? Scan these characteristics of workforce resiliency and consider whether marketplace turbulance will overtake the growth of resilience among your employees.
What Can You Do?
"Developing workforce resilience is about transforming an organization's culture," according to the participants in a Resiliency Pilot Project sponsored by the U.S. Economic Development Administration. They continue, "It goes to the heart of how employees and an organization partner to meet the employees' needs and achieve success for the company."
The development of resilience starts at executive and upper management levels. It is the leaders' job to build and manage the ability of the workforce to recover quickly from change or adversity.
Organizations that are most successful in nurturing resilience provide employees with:
- A broad range of opportunities to develop work skills and abilities
- Training and coaching to develop personal qualities of resilience
- Challenging work
- Collaborative participation in work design and project implementation
- Maximum flexibility and autonomy in achieving work goals
- Full attention and openness to employee ideas and innovation
- Honest and complete information about internal and external factors that affect business conditions and might impact the workforce
- Recognition for resilient behavior
- A model for resilience in the behavior and attitudes of leadership
- Inspiring stories of workforce success in overcoming adversity
- Participation in proactive strategizing and scenario building
An organization with these cultural values will thrive in the face of setbacks and sudden changes in business conditions. Employees will know that their contribution is valued and be inspired to work together to meet the organization's challenges.
©2004 Glen Rediehs
When have you witnessed a workforce respond to a company's challenges with superior resilience? How did they acquire such a high level of resilience? Send your stories, quotes, thoughts. As space permits, I will try to publish them. Send them to Glen@SolutionLeader.com.
What's the next step in your life? In your business?What do you want to achieve?
What do you want to change?
Coaching will help you reach your goals!
Let's work on your future together. You can make it happen!
PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.
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