July 15, 2003

A free Ezine sent to you twice a month by Glen Rediehs, Ph.D.: Personal Coach, Corporate Coach, Organization Development Consultant

Web site: www.SolutionLeader.com

E-mail: Glen@SolutionLeader.com

Solution Leader Ezine will give you solutions for your personal life and the people side of your business. Every issue is filled with practical strategies plus a little humor.

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In This Issue:

Raising Children of Character

A Little Humor

Thought for the Day

How to Build a High-Performance Team

In the Next Issue

RAISING CHILDREN OF CHARACTER

Raising children of character has never been more difficult. The pressures of dual wage earner families, expanded work hours and single parenting, the influence of mass media and the Internet, and so many other factors challenge the best of parents.

If you are a parent, you may have wondered what sort of adults your children will become. Will worthy principles and values drive their lives? Will they do the right thing and make the right choices – even when the stakes are high or when no one is watching?

What can you and I do to enhance the chances that our children will be men and women of good character?

Start With Yourself

People are more successful in all areas of their lives, including parenting, if they know who they are and have found purpose and meaning in their lives. Understanding yourself and bringing out the best in yourself will help immensely in raising children of character.

What are the principles and values that drive your life? The real ones -- the ones that you live out – not the ones you just talk about. If I asked some of your family members or friends to tell me the three top principles or values that drive your choices and behavior, what would they tell me? No matter what values you talk about with your children, the values you live out are the ones that your children will learn.

Give it some thought.

Relationships

After working with parents and children for over 25 years, I have come to the conclusion that the most important factor in raising children of character is the relationship we have with them. There are tons books with all kinds of discipline techniques and problem-solving advice. Those things are helpful. But, the power of parental influence is in the relationship you have with your child.

If your child feels that s/he is deeply loved by you, then your character and what you value will be important to your child. Your child will be certain of your love when s/he feels:

• understood,

• accepted unconditionally (even when being punished for misbehavior), and

• knows s/he is more important than anything else in your life.

You might get an idea of how close your relationship is by checking on how well you know your child. Ask yourself these questions and press yourself for details:

• What are your child’s preferred activities, favorite TV shows, best and worst

subjects in school, favorite foods or clothes, favorite celebrity or musical group ?

• How well do you know your child’s friends, what they do together, talk about,

fight over, have in common? What attracts your child to these children? Do you know the children’s families? Does your child have a girlfriend or boyfriend? How do they spend their time together?

• How well is your child doing with schoolwork and school behavior? What are

his or her best and worst subjects? Who are his or her teachers? How does s/he get along with teachers and the children at school in general?

Well, what do you think? How close is your relationship?

What to Do

If you want to raise children of character – despite all the challenges of our society – focus on things such as these:

• Model the values and virtues that you want to share with your child.

• Discuss how principles and values relate to current news stories, TV programs,

movies, or real-life events.

• When you see your child behaving in a way that reflects the values you want to

pass on, be sure to comment and reinforce the behavior.

• Involve your children in activities that express your values and principles.

• Get involved in your child’s life. Participate in activities that are important to

your child. Show interest.

• Talk with each other at times other than when you are giving directions,

reprimanding, etc. Spontaneous times are the best. LISTEN more than talk. Answer questions patiently and thoroughly. Ask your child’s opinion on things. Instead of always giving advice or solutions, facilitate your child’s thinking through a problem and the principles or values that might point the way. Tell your child “I love you” often – even if you were raised in a family that never did that!

• Spend time together. Play together. Have fun together. Do it daily, weekly, as

often as you possibly can. It’s powerful stuff for building a relationship.

• Help children manage their emotions. When a child is experiencing feelings,

name the feeling for the child, accept and validate how the child is feeling, but limit unacceptable behaviors.

• Provide situations where your child gains confidence and builds strengths.

• Set appropriate limits for the child’s behavior. Stick to “No” when necessary.

But, discipline with love. Offer reasons for your rules.

Let’s work hard to raise children of character. The world desperately needs men and women who live by worthy principles and values.

If you need a little help, see a counselor. Check out the “Therapist Locator” service sponsored by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists at http://www.aamft.org/TherapistLocator/index.htm.

WANT A LITTLE HELP?

Need a little help achieving the future you want for yourself?

It’s been my life’s work and my passion to help individuals and organizations create their own best futures. Let’s work on your future together. You can make it happen!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

A Little Humor

The Scottish Babies

In the back woods of Scotland, Ian's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said: "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Ian!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's another wee one to come yet."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

Then Ian scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

_______________

Speeding Ticket

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket.

"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."

_______________

The Lonely Frog

A lonely frog, desperate for some form of company, telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future holds.

His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"

"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."

Thought for the Day

Growing Good Corn

James Bender, in his book How to Talk Well (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1994) relates the story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it.

The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."

He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.

So it is in other dimensions. Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbors to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.

The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.

HOW TO BUILD A HIGH-PERFORMANCE TEAM

Teams have become a standard feature in the workplace. Many teams are a great success and bring huge benefits to companies. On the other hand, some teams have been a big disappointment.

Building High-Performance Teams

Organizing a successful high-performance team requires careful planning. Here are some suggested steps:

• Have a good reason for choosing to organize a team instead of a work group or

other set of individual employees. Creating a team when the project doesn’t require interdependence will be counterproductive.

• Establish a clear purpose for the team. The purpose must relate to the mission

and vision of the organization. It must be challenging enough to energize members and drive the work of the team.

• Carefully select team members to achieve the mix of skills, talents and team

styles that will be necessary to achieve the goals of the team. This mix must include both technical and people skills. Picking people on the basis of seniority, status, or political considerations will disadvantage the team. It is also easy to make the mistake of selecting people in one’s own image.

• Work collaboratively with team members to:

- Specify initial clear, measurable goals for the team. Expect that changes

in the organization or marketplace may require revisions in goals.

- Develop an initial set of action plans. If goals are revised, action plans

may require modification as well.

- Identify potential barriers to the team’s success. Create a plan to

overcome those barriers.

- Define the parameters (time commitment, authority, etc.) within which

the team will operate.

- Decide how the team’s efforts will be evaluated.

- Agree on a set of rules and norms that will guide how the team will work

together. This should include such things as participation in

meetings, confidentiality, openness in communication, valuing differences among members, mutual support and trust, commitment and accountability, etc.

- Develop mutually agreeable procedures for leadership, problem-solving,

decision-making, conflict resolution, meetings, methods of electronic communications, etc.

- Establish clear roles for members and mutual expectations of each other.

• Provide necessary resources for the team to do its job. This includes budget,

training and development, personal support and enthusiasm, etc. Keep the team informed with fresh facts and information.

• Develop systems and policies (compensation, work schedule, performance

review, etc.) that fit a team structure.

• Foster a team-friendly organizational culture.

• Recognize progress and celebrate successes.

• Back off. Allow the team to manage itself and function as a team. Listen, be

available to coach and provide resources. But, let the team solve its own problems and meet its own challenges. Expect that the team will go through stages of growth and experience difficulties as it matures into a high performance team.

To learn more, read Leading Self-Directed Work Teams by Kimball Fisher or Suzanne Zoglio’s Teams At Work.

What is your experience with work groups and teams? How have you used them effectively in your organization? Send your stories, quotes, thoughts. As space permits, I will try to publish them. Send them to Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

WANT A LITTLE HELP?

It’s been my life’s work and my passion to help individuals and organizations create their own best futures. Let’s work on it. You can do it!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

In the Next Issue:

What’s Your Next Step?

A Little Humor

Thought for the Day

Managing Difficult People

In the Next Issue

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