July 1, 2003

A free Ezine sent to you twice a month by Glen Rediehs, Ph.D.: Personal Coach, Corporate Coach, Organization Development Consultant

Web site: www.SolutionLeader.com

E-mail: Glen@SolutionLeader.com

Solution Leader Ezine will give you solutions for your personal life and the people side of your business. Every issue is filled with practical strategies plus a little humor.

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In This Issue:

First Impressions and Building Rapport

A Little Humor

Thought for the Day

Work Groups and Teams

In the Next Issue

FIRST IMPRESSIONS and BUILDING RAPPORT

At one time or another, you have probably met someone and felt an instant connection with the other person. Ever wondered how that happened? Would you like to know how to attract others to you and establish rapport within minutes?

First Impressions

Experts claim that others evaluate you within the first three seconds of meeting you! People appraise your visual and behavioral appearance and make a judgment about the connection they feel with you almost before you can take your next breath.

If you appear to be of a higher or lower business or social status, it is likely that you will either be respected or disdained and no personal connection will be felt. However, if you appear to be a match, someone of comparable business or social level, your new acquaintance will probably be open to building the relationship.

In North America

In most of North America, making a good first impression in a business setting involves:

• Dressing and grooming appropriately for the organization’s culture.

• Maintaining a comfortable distance from others.

• Looking people in the eye.

• Offering a firm handshake.

• Smiling and being enthusiastic.

• Listening with your full attention.

• Asking questions about others. Finding commonalities.

• Remembering others’ names and using them conversations.

• Offering compliments or appreciative comments.

• Standing and walking tall.

In Other Cultures

Getting off to a good start with people is different in other cultural settings. In the Middle East and Latin America, punctuality is relative and appointment times are considered approximate. Local standards of dress vary. This is especially true for women. One’s “personal space” is greater in Asian cultures and closer in Latin and Middle Eastern cultures. The eye contact that is expected in North America may appear as hostility to a Korean. The manner and length of a handshake, as well as other physical parts of a greeting vary widely around the world. Even a well-intentioned smile may seem out of place to some Europeans and a cover-up for bad feelings in parts of Asia.

Building Rapport

After the first critical seconds, you can build rapport with others by using several techniques from an approach called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). Here is how it works:

If you watch two people who get along very well, you will notice how much they share the same facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, pace of speech, breathing patterns, etc. The close feelings of the two are reflected in their behavior. NLP has demonstrated that you can flip this around. You can establish rapport and close feelings with a person by imitating that person’s facial expressions, body language, voice, speech, and other behaviors.

One NLP technique is called “mirroring.” This involves watching things like the angle of a person’s head, how his or her feet and legs are positioned, the individual’s gestures, facial expression, etc. Then, copy the person’s body language. Do this very subtly and only to the extent that you are comfortable.

Listen to the pace, tone, volume, etc. of the person’s voice. Try to match their speech patterns in your part of the conversation. Again, do this so naturally that the other person doesn’t even notice.

Paying attention to the other person’s sensory-based language can help. Notice how often the person uses visual (“I see what you mean.”), auditory (“I hear you saying that...“), or kinesthetic (“I think I’ve got a grip on what you are telling me.”) words. Use the other person’s dominant language in your part of the conversation.

Finally, observe the other person’s breathing pattern and match it, as naturally as possible, in your own breathing pattern.

Building rapport with NLP techniques is not easy. It requires a great deal of practice to be effective. To get really good at it will require formal training. You might begin by practicing with people you already know and working on just one small thing at a time.

When done with integrity and respect, mirroring creates positive feelings and rapport between you and others. Besides enhancing personal relationships, NLP techniques have been used with success in negotiating, sales, management, and many other functions.

You cannot not make a first impression. It’s up to you what kind of an impression you make and how successful you are at building rapport with others.

If you’re interested, read How to Make a Million Dollar First Impression by Goldman

Smythe or Lavington and Losee’s You’ve Only Got Three Seconds. Check out www.nlpinfo.com for further information about NLP.

WANT A LITTLE HELP?

Need a little help achieving the future you want for yourself?

It’s been my life’s work and my passion to help individuals and organizations create their own best futures. Let’s work on your future together. You can make it happen!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

A Little Humor

A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him.

The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00.

Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, "What's wrong?"

The reply came, "I can't get this mower started. Do you know how?"

The kid said, "Yep."

"Well, how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled.

The kid replied, "You have to cuss it."

The preacher rose up indignantly. "Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years."

With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it'll all come back to ya."

_______________

Grandma's Colors

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and she was always correct, but it was fun for me, so I continued.

At last, she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

_______________

Easy Mistake

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

Thought for the Day

The Miracle

Tess was a precocious eight year old when she heard her Mom and Dad talking about her little brother, Andrew. All she knew was that he was very sick and they were completely out of money. They were moving to an apartment complex next month because Daddy didn't have the money for the doctor bills and our house.

Only a very costly surgery could save him now and it was looking like there was no one to loan them the money. She heard Daddy say to her tearful Mother with whispered

desperation, "Only a miracle can save him now."

Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured all the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to the drug store.

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention but he was too busy

at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

"And what do you want?" the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. "I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages," he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

"Well, I want to talk to you about my brother," Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. "He's really, really sick... and I want to buy a miracle."

"I beg your pardon?" said the pharmacist.

"His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?"

"We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you, "the pharmacist said, softening a little.

"Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs."

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, "What kind of a miracle does you brother need?"

"I don't know," Tess replied with her eyes welling up. "I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.

"How much do you have?" asked the man from Chicago.

"One dollar and eleven cents," Tess answered barely audibly. "And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.

"Well, what a coincidence," smiled the man. "A dollar and eleven cents--the exact price of a miracle for little brothers." He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said "Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the kind of miracle you need."

That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed without charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place. "That surgery, "her Mom whispered. "was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?"

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost... one dollar and eleven cents ...... plus the faith of a little child.

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law......

(Author Unknown)

WORK GROUPS AND TEAMS

Do you have teams in your organization? Because of their wide use, owners or managers often pull together a “team” thinking that it will improve performance – but, it doesn’t. Perhaps you have had this experience. Much of the disappointment with teams is because of a confusion between teams and work groups. They are very different.

Work Groups

A work group is a number of individuals having some unifying relationship – e.g. they work for the same boss, are the employees in a small department, or some other commonality.

You can identify a work group when you see it:

• The group is hierarchical. The manager assigns the group’s goals, sets

performance standards, solves the group’s problems, tries to motivate the members, monitors the group’s progress, etc.

• Each individual takes care of his or her own assignment and competes with the

others for position or rewards.

• The group avoids innovation or change.

• The members’ vision of the group’s work is very limited.

• Each individual is on his or her own to learn and perform.

• If the group meets, the manager runs the meeting and often has to deal with

conflict and personal agendas among the members.

Work Groups Are Appropriate

Work groups can be very appropriate and productive when:

• Tasks are simple

• Tasks require little communication

• Tasks performed by individuals are basically separate and unrelated.

• People prefer to work individually

• The organization’s culture is strongly hierarchical

Teams

Teams are very different from work groups. A team can be defined as a reasonably small group of people, possessing complementary and appropriate skills, who hold themselves mutually accountable for achieving a clear and identifiable set of goals.

There are many types of teams. Project teams are often organized to complete a short-term project and then disbanded. Teams can also be a fixed part of the organization and serve an ongoing function. Some teams are cross-functional or interdepartmental.

The characteristics of a mature team are notable. The members:

• Share a very clear understanding of the team’s purpose and priorities. Members

focus on achievement of team’s goals instead of individual accomplishments, evaluate progress regularly, and share equal responsibility for performance and outcome.

• Are carefully selected to possess the relevant and complementary skills

necessary to work well together and accomplish the team’s purpose. If a cross-functional team, each function will be represented.

• Collaborate to achieve the team’s goals. High levels of interdependence and

cohesion are demonstrated. Members maximize the use of each other’s resources, skills, knowledge and experience. They relate to other teams and work groups in the organization in a positive and effective manner.

• Demonstrate excellent people skills. Their relationships are marked by mutual

trust and support, a genuine appreciation of differences, open communication, constructive feedback, and respect.

• Take risks, respond rapidly, learn from experience and each other, and examine

errors or weaknesses without personal attacks.

• Follow a mutually understood set of procedures for leadership, participation,

individual roles, decision-making, conflict resolution, equity in rewards and the values that will guide their work.

• Show enthusiasm for the work of the team and satisfaction in their mutual

efforts.

Peter Drucker uses the image of a tennis doubles team to picture how a team operates. Each player has a primary position and responsibility. But, players “cover” for teammates, adjust to teammates’ strengths and weaknesses, and shift their approach to meet the changing demands of a game.

Teams can easily outperform work groups if they are organized thoughtfully and equipped for the task. If your experience with teams has been disappointing, evaluate the situation. Consider whether you really have teams or work groups. To learn more, read Leading Self-Directed Work Teams by Kimball Fisher or Suzanne Zoglio’s Teams At Work.

What is your experience with work groups and teams? How have you used them effectively in your organization? Send your stories, quotes, thoughts. As space permits, I will try to publish them. Send them to Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

WANT A LITTLE HELP?

It’s been my life’s work and my passion to help individuals and organizations create their own best futures. Let’s work on it. You can do it!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

In the Next Issue:

Raising Children of Character

A Little Humor

Thought for the Day

How to Build Effective Teams

In the Next Issue

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