February 15, 2003

A free Ezine sent to you twice a month by Glen Rediehs, Ph.D.: Personal Coach, Corporate Coach, Organization Development Consultant

Web site: www.SolutionLeader.com

E-mail: Glen@SolutionLeader.com

Solution Leader Ezine will give you solutions for your personal life and the people side of your business. Every issue is filled with practical strategies plus a little humor.

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In This Issue:

How to Turn Your Good Intentions Into Reality (Part Four of a Six-Part Series)

A Little Humor

Thought for the Day

How to Nurture Positive Attitudes in Your Workplace

In the Next Issue

How to Turn Your Good Intentions Into Reality

(Part Four of a Six-Part Series)

Part One of this series challenged you to scale your level of satisfaction with different areas of your life and begin developing some goals.

Part Two showed you how to set goals that will actually work.

Part Three helped you produce an action plan that will get you what you really want.

To see Parts One, Two or Three, go to www.SolutionLeader.com/archives.html.

Now, the new stuff. How can you turn your good intentions into reality? It is not easy to set meaningful, stretch goals and achieve them. Here are some ideas to add power to your progress.

Commit to change publicly. Tell key people in your life about your goal and

the steps you will be taking to achieve your goal. Ask them to keep you on track and accountable. If there is a support group working on the same goal you have chosen (i.e. smoking, weight loss, etc.), join it.

Post your written goal (maybe on a 3 x 5 card or a small sheet of paper) wherever a reminder would help – bathroom mirror, dresser, car dashboard, desk at work, refrigerator, etc. Refer to the entries you have made in your calendar about daily steps you are taking and completion dates for action steps.

Make a formal contract with yourself. Write it out. Then pledge to keep this promise with the same commitment that you would have to repay a debt or tell the truth in court.

Set up a feedback system. Find a way to tell yourself how well you are keeping your commitment. You might make notations in the same calendar where you have the step-by-step entries for your action plan. Note whether you did the planned action or not. Or, get others to monitor your behavior and keep a written record.

Build in rewards and/or penalties. Reinforce progress. Decide, ahead of time, on specific special privileges (i.e. extra time at an activity you enjoy or purchasing something you want) for completing planned action steps or reaching incremental levels toward your goal. Use reinforcers that are proportionate to progress – e.g. a CD or tape for a five-pound weight loss rather than the whole stereo system. After you get change started, the satisfaction of progress will probably be self-reinforcing.

Creating penalties for not making progress is much less fun (and probably less effective) than reinforcing yourself for success. However, I know of a person who made out a large check to a cause that the person despised. Someone else held the check. If the person failed to follow through with the action plan, the check would be mailed to the despised cause. And, it worked!

WANT A LITTLE HELP?

Need a little help thinking about the future you want and setting workable goals?

It’s been my life’s work and my passion to help individuals and organizations create their own best futures. Let’s work on your future together. You can make it happen!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

A Little Humor

Wedding Vows

A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this:

"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."

Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

Lights Out

Mom had a pretty hectic day with her four-year-old. When bedtime finally came, she laid down the law: "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!"

The child’s arms went around mom’s neck in a gentle embrace, and the child said, "We learned in school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."

Even after she had been such a grouch, mom thought, her child was still grateful to have her. Tears began to well up in mom’s eyes, and then her four-year-old whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"

Thought for the Day

Jean Thompson stood in front of her fifth-grade class on the very first day of school in the fall and told the children a lie. Like most teachers, she looked at her pupils and said that she loved them all the same, that she would treat them all alike. And that was impossible because there in front of her, slumped in his seat on the third row, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes were unkempt and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy was unpleasant.

It got to the point during the first few months that she would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then marking the F at the top of the paper biggest of all. Because Teddy was a sullen little boy, no one else seemed to enjoy him, either.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's records and put Teddy's off until last. When she opened his file, she was in for a surprise. His first-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright, inquisitive child with a ready laugh." "He does his work neatly and has good manners...he is a joy to be around."

His second-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student well-liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy continues to work hard but his mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth-grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and sometimes sleeps in class. He is tardy and could become a problem."

By now Mrs. Thompson realized the problem, but Christmas was coming fast. It was all she could do, with the school play and all, until the day before the holidays began and she was suddenly forced to focus on Teddy Stoddard.

Her children brought her presents, all in beautiful ribbon and bright paper, except for Teddy's, which was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper of a scissored grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents.

Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of cologne. She stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume behind the other wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed behind just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my mom used to."

After the children left she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing, and speaking. Instead, she began to teach children. Jean Thompson paid particular attention to one they all called "Teddy."

As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. On days where there would be an important test, Mrs. Thompson would remember that cologne. By the end of the year he had become one of the smartest children in the class and...well, he had also become the "pet" of the teacher who had once vowed to love all of her children exactly the same.

A year later she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that of all the teachers he'd had in elementary school, she was his favorite. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy.

He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still his favorite teacher of all time.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson she was still his favorite teacher.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still his favorite teacher, but that now his name was a little longer. The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, M.D.

The story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that Spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering...well, if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit in the pew usually reserved for the mother of the groom. And guess what, she wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And I bet on that special day, Jean Thompson smelled just like...well, just like the way Teddy remembered his mother smelling on their last Christmas together.

In whose life are you making a positive difference?

How to Nurture Positive Attitudes at Your Workplace

You’ve undoubtedly heard many individuals and teams say things like: “It’s not my job.” “That’s good enough. Who cares?” “XKYZPRS! It’s all ____’s fault.” “This is just a paycheck. I’d leave in a flash if I could find something better.”

Instead, you want the kind of attitudes and talk that brings out the best in people and grows the business. You love to hear comments like: “Satisfied customers are our best job security.” “How can we do this better next time?” “We can take pride in what we’ve accomplished.” “This company really cares.”

Negative attitudes hurt individuals’ performance, limit team productivity and restrain company profits. They are like mushrooms – they thrive when you leave them alone and in the dark. But, negative attitudes can be changed if you deal with them in the light.

So, how can you bring the negative attitudes into the light and nurture positive attitudes? What action you take depends on whether you are supervising the people with negative attitudes or if you are a co-worker.

If you supervise others or have a leadership role, it is your responsibility to deal with it. Before you call HR for help or put the person on performance review or probation, you might try the following steps.

At a time when things are going OK (not in the midst of a tirade by the negative person or team):

Put the issue on the table. When you do this, start with a genuine question, sincerely asked

-- not an accusation. For example: “When our department managers met yesterday, I noticed that you seemed discouraged about _____. I believe you were being honest. Help me to understand how you became discouraged.”

Listen. Elicit the person’s views. Express interest.
“Fog and flip.” That is, acknowledge reasonable concerns and areas of agreement between

you and the person. Then, flip to another way of seeing it: the company’s situation or your concern as supervisor. For example: Fog: “I can see how _____ has been discouraging for you. It has created ____ and _____ problems for you. Flip: “My problem is that the company is limited in these ways: _____.” OR “My concern is that continued rehashing of his problem – without working on a solution – only drags everybody down and hurts the department’s productivity – and our bonuses.”

Make a request. For example: “What I need from you, or maybe from all of us putting

our heads together, is to explore some options and decide on the best solution. Then we can leave

this problem behind and move on. What would you suggest for a solution that would be workable

and acceptable by all ?” OR “What I need is to receive a solution along with concerns that you

raise. That way we can work at putting the problem behind us and not further discouraging

ourselves. What would you suggest for a solution that would be workable and acceptable by all?”

Most people who are approached sincerely in the manner above respond positively. Of course, this isn’t magic. Not every employee or team has the maturity to work in this solution-focused way. You

may need to consult with HR or use a performance review approach.

If you are a co-worker with negative thinkers around you, other approaches may help.

1. Just don’t respond to negative comments. If there is no audience, the act might stop. I know a university professor who became very upset at all the negative comments his colleagues made about their work situation. He decided to just not respond to negative comments and was successful in reducing the unpleasant atmosphere those comments had produced.

At a time when the other person is not complaining, offer a positive comment and back

it up with facts. For example: “I saw Ms. _____ walk down the production line this morning and

speak to every person. As busy as she is, I guess she really values who we are and what we do.” OR “I can’t remember a time when we worked together any better than we did today. I think I’m earning to appreciate the different things each of us brings to the team.” Start a conversation that’s focused on solutions. For example: “Sarah, I know that _____ has been a real problem for you.

You have mentioned it several times. I’m curious about something. Suppose that you come to work

tomorrow morning and the problem with _____ was solved. What will you notice that will tell you

that the problem is gone? What will be there instead of the problem?” (If the person answers

“There won’t be …,” ask “Yes, I understand what won’t be there. But what will be there instead?”) After describing how things will be after the problem is solved, ask “What do we need to do to make that happen – or at least get as close to it as possible – so that you can be happy about the solution

instead of discouraged by the problem?” If the person says it is all up to someone else, ask “And,

what part will you have in achieving this solution?” Then press with “When will you start?”

These approaches aren’t silver bullets. There aren’t any silver bullets. But, they have worked for many managers and employees who wanted to make a difference in their organization.

Where have you seen managers and employees create positive attitudes in the workplace? How did the leaders in that organization get that to happen? Send your stories, quotes, thoughts. As space permits, I will try to publish them. Send them to Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

WANT A LITTLE HELP?

It’s been my life’s work and my passion to help individuals and organizations create their own best futures. Let’s work on it. You can do it!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

In the Next Issue:

How to Turn Your Good Intentions Into Reality – Part Four of a Six-Part Series

A Little Humor

Thought for the Day

Are You Winning the Talent War?

In the Next Issue

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