April 1, 2003

A free Ezine sent to you twice a month by Glen Rediehs, Ph.D.: Personal Coach, Corporate Coach, Organization Development Consultant

Web site: www.SolutionLeader.com

E-mail: Glen@SolutionLeader.com

Solution Leader Ezine will give you solutions for your personal life and the people side of your business. Every issue is filled with practical strategies plus a little humor.

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In This Issue:

Adversity is Inevitable, Misery is Optional

A Little Humor

Thought for the Day

How Good a Coach Are You?

In the Next Issue

Adversity is Inevitable, Misery is Optional

A few weeks ago, I was watching some television coverage about Christopher Reeve. I marveled at the emotional recovery he has made from the depression that followed his accident to an active life as an advocate and to his re-entry into acting.

Over the last several years news coverage has reminded us of the story of Kim Phuc. Kim is the nine-year-old Vietnamese girl who was photographed as she ran from a military attack on her village, naked and in agony from napalm burns, in 1972. The photograph ran in newspapers around the world. After her recovery, she continued her education, married, and defected to the West. Today, she is a Canadian citizen. She travels and speaks as an ambassador for peace and forgiveness.

You know other stories like these. Some are about famous people and some about the not-so-famous. Some are about dramatic events and some about relatively common situations such as job loss, broken relationships, etc. How come some people bounce back from adversity and others don’t? The personality trait of resilience is a major factor in determining whether people recover and thrive or not.

What is Different About Resilient People?

Some people are crushed by misfortune – even remain a “victim” the rest of their lives. Others recover from hardship – even stronger than before. Highly resilient people think and behave differently than others. Research indicates:

• They are optimistic and have faith in the future. They think of difficult times as

temporary times from which they will recover.

• They accept the idea that bad things can happen and don’t insist that the world

must be fair.

• When disaster strikes, they identify their feelings, face the pain of loss, grieve,

and move on.

• They recognize their strengths, believe in themselves and in their ability to be

successful.

• Challenge and change are considered part of normal life by resilient individuals.

They focus on what they can learn from the past and remain flexible about the future.

• They know what they can and can’t control or influence. They focus on what

they can change and let go of the rest.

• Where “victims” of misfortune wait to be rescued, the resilient take control,

formulate a plan, and act.

• They look forward to find the possibilities in their new situation and are willing

to take reasonable risks to create a new future.

What Can You Do To Maximize Your Resilience?

The capacity to respond to adversity in a resilient manner appears to have a genetic basis. Some people just seem to be born with more of it. But, everyone has some level of resilience. All of us have experienced set-backs and managed to get ourselves back on track. Everyone can increase his or her resilience. Maximizing your resilience will bring you greater pleasure and more success in life. Here are some suggestions:

• Think about the times when your resilience was at it’s best. How were you

responding to the situation. What did you do or think that got you back on your feet sooner than might otherwise have been true.

• Analyze your belief patterns. Is your glass half empty or half full? Reprogram

your thinking to focus on what you have going for yourself and what the possibilities are.

• Identify the most resilient people you know. Notice how they handle

difficulties and challenges. Learn from them.

• Replace ruminating about your misfortune with problem solving. Focus on

what you can do to create the future that is possible.

• Know your talents and your strengths. When hard times come, use them.

• Within your network, develop people who will be your circle of support during

difficult times.

• Keep yourself in good shape. Basic well-being will buffer the impact of

adversity.

Adversity is inevitable in your life. Misery is optional. Maximize your resilience.

WANT A LITTLE HELP?

Need a little help achieving the future you want for yourself?

It’s been my life’s work and my passion to help individuals and organizations create their own best futures. Let’s work on your future together. You can make it happen!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

A Little Humor

A volunteer for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins reports that he used to take his four-year-old daughter on his afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age -- particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day he found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As he braced himself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

An atheist is swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees a shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat. As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is quite a distance away and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?" Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?" The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back. Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."

It was the end of the day when an officer parked her police van in front of the station. As she gathered her equipment, her K-9 partner, Jake, was barking. She saw a little boy staring in at her and the dog. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," the officer replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at her and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

Thought for the Day

The Carpenter

An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer/contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by.

The contractor was sorry to see his worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.

When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."

What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.

So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best

effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized, we would have done it differently.

Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity. The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project."

Who could say it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.

(Unknown)

How Good a Coach Are You?

You hired John six months ago. He did a great job and you gave him additional responsibilities. Today, he is struggling with some of the tasks that came with the new territory. How will you go about helping him?

Mary just finished her first year of employment and you are doing a Performance Review with her. There are areas in which she is outstanding. But, she has made some expensive mistakes recently. How will you handle it?

In situations like these, owners and managers frequently just tell the person what they should do and give a pep talk. Or, they may focus on the employee’s mistakes and firmly restate expectations. Occasionally, an owner or manager will ignore the issue and hope that it will take care of itself. There is another, much more productive, response – coaching.

What is Coaching?

Coaching is not the same as “disciplining” or “counseling” an employee with major performance problems. It is different than the times that you are providing information, teaching a procedure, giving advice, debating opinions or facilitating a group.

In a business setting, coaching refers to intentional, structured conversations that help employees grow personally, improve performance, “stretch” themselves outside their comfort zone and find greater satisfaction in their work. As an owner- or manager-coach, you will be able to:

• Retain your most valuable employees

• Get the best effort from all your people

• Achieve bottom-line results for your business.

Coaching is an essential skill for successful owners and effective managers.

How To Coach Successfully

Remember these guidelines when you are coaching:

• Have a coaching mindset. You must be genuinely interested in the person and believe in his or her capacity to grow and change. Your job is to help discover the employee’s strengths and potential in dealing with work problems or opportunities.

• Establish positive relationships with those you coach. Mutual trust and respect are essential for successful coaching.

• Make sure your company culture supports coaching. The unwritten rules, as well as the written policies, must encourage respectful, collaborative relationships and embrace the principles of a learning organization.

• Ask open-ended questions to start the coaching conversation. Find out what the employee is thinking and feeling about the situation.

• Listen carefully and acknowledge the employee’s perspective.

• Be goal-oriented. Ask what the employee’s goals are. Inasmuch as you can build on the person’s own goals, you will increase his or her internal motivation. Align those goals with the mission of the organization and the expectations of the job. Invite “stretch” goals.

• Develop a plan of action with the employee. Write down specific actions and completion dates. Anticipate obstacles and develop a plan to overcome those barriers. Hold the employee accountable.

• Ask how you can be helpful with the problem or challenge. What resources does the person need from you or the company in order to achieve the goals?

• Affirm your employee. Build on your employee’s strengths and talents. Notice progress. Highlight lessons learned from mistakes. Expect good things.

• Follow up and provide feedback. Inquire about what the person notices is better. Reinforce progress. Provide formal or informal feedback. Trouble-shoot unexpected factors that are hampering progress. Review the next steps.

• Comply with your company’s policies and the requirements of the law.

Want to develop your coaching skills? Read Masterful Coaching and Masterful Coaching Fieldbook by Robert Hargrove. Co-Active Coaching by Whitworth, Kimsey-House and Sandahl will also be helpful. Take advantage of training opportunities. Your people will be more productive and your organization will be more profitable.

Who is the best business coach you know? How does this person go about increasing performance, creating and implementing development plans, etc.? Send your stories, quotes, thoughts. As space permits, I will try to publish them. Send them to Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

WANT A LITTLE HELP?

It’s been my life’s work and my passion to help individuals and organizations create their own best futures. Let’s work on it. You can do it!

PLEASE CALL ME at 704-788-9184 or Email me at Glen@SolutionLeader.com.

In the Next Issue:

How to Balance Work and the Rest of Your Life

A Little Humor

Thought for the Day

Spirit At Work

In the Next Issue

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